I am so much in love with my solitude that when someone steps into it, I feel crowded and crunched for space.
There are some ironies of life which are so difficult to understand, when I am alone, I want to have friends around me, but when have people around me I want to go back to my solitude. At times I sit back and think, what is it that I really need, meaningful relationships or my solitude, have never managed to find an answer
Logic would promptly say that you need to find a balance between the two, and you should spend sometime with people around you and some time with yourself. But this is easier said than done, at least for me...as I find both these aspects mutually exclusive, as when I am with people, I give them my 100% and can't refrain from thinking about them even when I am alone. To get my solitude I need everyone to be away from me physically, mentally, emotionally. They have to be outside my circle of thought. My solitude means when I can feel the slightest change around me, weather it is in nature, in my environment or in me, be able to connect to that respond to it in the most natural way.
Someday I will find the answer...or the balance :-))
Maybe you should get a hobby to get your mind off these people.
ReplyDeleteI guess you have no brothers or sisters Anuradha??
ReplyDeleteEven I experience the same kind of dilemma coz I don't have any bros or sis.
So what I do is dont think about these kind of things nowadays. Just take life as it comes. In Office, I try to mingle with colleagues and my solitude doesnt trouble me and when I am alone I try to make myself busy in reading, watching tv or maybe plain imagining things..as its said imaginations fly ;-) Our mind is really a wonderful peiece of creation. It can think even those unimaginable things which you might not have even dreamt of. Take a weird topic like, what would you be doing an a sunday say 10 years from now or "does extra terrestrial life exist" Have you read Contact - Carl Sagan ...Do read it at your leisure..a beautiful piece of fiction. I havent seen the movie but I am sure that it cannot compare the book in any way.
Like to listen to songs??? Presently I am listening to the Kishore's senti numbers (Aane Wala Pal Jaane wala hai - film Golmaal) Some of them have really good lyrics. Try to listen carefully and get the meaning of each and every word...
i have recently started to blog. And not sure how to go about it. But your musings on wanting to be alone and then also wanting to have friends or be part of a circle. It is more like the two sides of a personality. you need to have both your solitude and then when that is had - your company of people you are comfy with. I like walking in the rain alone, over low hills and by quite beaches. One with nature, with my thoughts and in deep contemplation of my being, the world and its defferent colors. and then all of asudden I could love to be part of a riotuous crowd. The Dr. Jekyll and mer Hyde in each of us.
ReplyDeleteHowever, the solitude and time spent on my own is the bliss that I should say all of us seek but few get. On a recent trip to Italy I took time out for a day to go to the italian alps. Sat down facing the sun - early morning - and got lost in deep appreciation of the sheer beauty of the scene and then started meditating. It was one the best times of my life.
so seek your solitude.
i have recently started to blog. And not sure how to go about it. But your musings on wanting to be alone and then also wanting to have friends or be part of a circle. It is more like the two sides of a personality. you need to have both your solitude and then when that is had - your company of people you are comfy with. I like walking in the rain alone, over low hills and by quite beaches. One with nature, with my thoughts and in deep contemplation of my being, the world and its defferent colors. and then all of asudden I could love to be part of a riotuous crowd. The Dr. Jekyll and mer Hyde in each of us.
ReplyDeleteHowever- out things about stuff like baton rouge vioxx attorney -- can you believe that? Oh, well, guess it's just one of those again. Hey, in fact, I'm feeling better already. ;o) Cheers!, in fact, I'm feeling better already. ;o) Cheers!pledge to never again vote for anyone who raises taxes for any reason. To hell with roads, bridges, schools, police and fire protection, Medicare, Social Securi
Hey Anuradha,
ReplyDeleteIt was by mere chance that i came across your blog spot and liked this lil piece on 'solitude' that youve written. I wonder if you still feel that disconnect that you are talking about since this was written in the Oct 2004!!!! to me its ever persisting.....the dilemma remains and i have tried thinking about why and how of it and the only answer is that may be you and i think tooo much! and when you think too much you the thoughts tend to linger around even after the event is over. the only solution that i see is that we concentrate at the task at hand which is easier said than done.....and pray hard that we use our grey cells for actions rather than mere thoughts!!! what say????